Emails the Democratic National Committee sent me after we broke up*

Madeline Anthes

*using only subject lines from real DNC email blasts

1.         

Hey,

I’m feeling good, and I hope you are too.

I’ll just be blunt. You deserve an explanation.

I need you with me, Maddie. I cannot do this alone.

Here’s what you told me: You have a heart bigger than the state of Montana.

Baloney, Sleazebag.

 2.         

Hey,

Sorry.  I’m not trying to scare you. Cheaters don’t like getting caught. 

Take a look at this picture. Maddie, do you remember how you felt? Picture it.

Let’s finish what we started.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you, Madeline.

 3.         

Maddie,

I’ll keep this short.  This is serious; we could be in trouble.

I know what’s broken, and I know how to fix it. I did the best I could. I have a lot of respect for you.

This isn’t about me. We’re just scratching the surface; we have something better.

Can you clear your schedule, Maddie? What are you waiting for?

 4.      

Hi there,

If you read one more email today, I hope it’s this one.

I’ll be direct.

 I’ve spent a lot of time studying bad men. One thing my grandpop --  a racist birther and incompetent con man – used to say re: the series finale of The Sopranos:  we fell short. 

C’mon man, is there ANYTHING [I] could say to convince you, Maddie? Is there ANYTHING I could say?

I would love to call you.  Are you free the week of August 19? Coffee??

5.         

LISTEN UP, MADDIE.

Rot in hell.

---

Madeline Anthes is the Assistant Editor of Lost Balloon. Her chapbook Beautiful, Violent Things is now available from Word West Press. You can find her on Twitter at @MadelineAnthes, and find more of her work at madelineanthes.com.

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